Parenting is one of the most challenging and fulfilling role in the world and the one for which you might feel the least prepared. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions like anger, impatience, joy, and many more.
Anger is a natural human emotion. Managing anger in positive ways sets an excellent example for children and helps them feel safe and secure.
Parents usually overlook their emotions and suppress their feelings because they want to look perfectly “OK” in front of their families and society. And what happens when they are not taking care of their emotions and mental health? It might result in depression, anger, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc.
Are you a parent who bursts out your anger on kids and then feels guilt and shame for your behavior and actions?
If yes, then let us first look for the common reasons for anger?
Overwhelmed by Responsibilities:
Raising children involves balancing many demands, including work, family time, household chores, children’s activities, and social activities. When you’re in this situation, it is easy to lose patience and feel angry when things don’t go to according to the plan.
Lack of physical and mental health:
Specially for mothers, healing from childbirth, taking care of a newborn, and breastfeeding every 2 to 3 hours requires a lot of energy. It is natural to feel tired in the postpartum period. Post-delivery, they might also feel emotionally low, which is why they feel weak, overwhelmed, and exhausted.
High Expectation from Child:
Most parents set a high benchmark for their kids, and when kids are unable to achieve those benchmarks, they feel disappointed and angry.
Stop Controlling your Kids:
You can’t always control your kids, so control what you can control. Accept that kids are going to exhibit childish behavior. We parents have to handle kids with mindfulness.
Influenced by social media:
We parents are very good at judging and comparing our kids with others. E.g., If your friend’s child scores more grades than your child, you will pinpoint your child. Looking at other kids’ success and devaluing your child will lead you upset and anger.
Lack of connection with child:
We are so busy with our work life that we hardly spend quality time with our kids. And when we are back home, we get hooked on our phones or televisions and feel the child is big enough to self play. If we lack connection with our kids, how can we understand our child’s feelings and emotions?
Action Plan for Anger management
The next time you feel angry, try out following steps:
1. Take a Pause, Stop yourself and Sit down.
2. Breathe deeply and count to ten.
3. Establishing a regular meditation practice is one of the best and consistent ways to cope with negative emotions. By modeling meditation as a self-care tool, we effectively teach the next generation to be kinder, calmer, more compassionate, and less caught up in their heads.
4. Talk to your spouse or family members about your feelings.
5. Ask yourself what triggered your feelings. Ask what deeper emotion or need caused you to feel that way.
6. Listen to your body, tell you how it feels. Talk to your child about your feelings and how you can both create calm together in this instance.
7. Try to respond, don’t react when you’re triggered. Make it safe for your child to tell the truth and feel loved. It’s a great idea to tell your children or your partner how you’re feeling and what you’re doing about it. It shows them a better way to manage their anger too. For example, ‘I’m feeling angry. I need to go outside for a minute to calm down before we talk about this.
8. Be curious, not angry, about what is causing the behavior in your child. When you see challenging behavior, it usually means that your child can’t figure out how to express her feelings acceptably or doesn’t know how to get a need met. It’s important to teach your child that there are many options for expressing his feelings in healthy, non-hurtful ways.
9. Stop Comparing your child: By comparing our child to his/her siblings or other children, we run the risk of losing sight of what makes our child special and unique. All of us are different in our way. We have different skills, interests, personality traits, and abilities that make us who we are. And the same applies to our children. So don’t lose yourself by comparing your child.
10. Try to spend quality time with your child and build a strong relationship.
Take a step back first, and don’t let your emotions control the situation. These years are vital in molding the kind of people they will become.
Your primary job as a parent is to help mold your kids into kind, respectful, honest, and caring people. And, sometimes, the easiest way to do that is to be a good role model. Try to take a closer look at your own habits and making some changes. But, if you do, both you and your kids will benefit.
Mrs. Jyoti Singh is a certified Parenting Coach on a mission to empower 1,00,000 New Moms & Parents to raise their children with deep love and the best intentions by making them mindful of their parenting role.
She is proudly serving society, enabling parents to be effective in their role. She helps them to overcome parental anxieties, insecurities, ensuring it becomes more accessible & more rewarding. Her passion to uplift, encourage, and spread positively leads her to start the YouTube channel ‘Mind Tricks by Jyoti’. Her channel is all about Parenting, Memorization Techniques, Motivation & Lifestyle.
Awarded as Iconic Women of Courage, 2022 by Scriberlee